Children surprised, upset by new I-O-Us

The Pediatric Insider

© 2011 Roy Benaroch, MD

Dateline Washington, DC – The nation’s children today announced that they’re dumbfounded by the terms of new I-O-Us found in their piggy banks and desk drawers.

“Wait, wait…” said Charles “Corky” Alberts, age 9. “I used to have money in here. I swear it. Now there is just the paper thing that says that I’ll be paid back later. What is this? Did my sister do it?”

Upon closer examination, Corky’s older sister Allison determined that adults were to blame. “It says on the bottom, in these little letters, that the money was taken by the adults, that they needed to spend it. But they said they’ll pay it back later.”

Allison was then shocked to discover that her own SuperSaver Savings account had been emptied. Her latest back statement read “Balance has been transferred to adults, to be paid back at some later date.”

It’s not only current savings that have disappeared, but future earnings as well. 16-year-old Leila Cramer of Fort Wayne, Indiana noticed that her pay stub from Wendy’s now included a debit against future earnings. “It’s kind of hard to read the small print, but this makes it sound like the adults have already taken all of the money I haven’t even earned yet. They do say, though, that they promise to pay it back. So maybe that’s OK.”

After further studying her paystub with a magnifying glass, however, Ms. Cramer was horrified to see that today’s adults had already decided that they wouldn’t be the ones to return the money.

“Oh… my…. God…” Ms. Cramer said, shaking. “They’ve already spent all of the money I haven’t even earned yet, and they’re all going to be dead by the time it gets returned. How am I going to get this money back? Why am I even working now?”

It turns out that after months of intense negotiations, the nation’s adults had decided to borrow more money from the nation’s children. In order to pay for stuff they wanted now, current adult leaders decided to borrow more money. This will allow the nation’s current children to pay themselves back later, using money that they’ll earn when they’re older, presuming that it hasn’t been taken away from them yet.

Negotiating teams did not include any children.

“Isn’t that taxation without representation?” asked high school senior Alex Rigby. “Is that only bad when it’s done to adults?”

10 year old Melissa Suggs, a self-described math nerd, tried to use her calculator to figure out how much of her money had been “borrowed” by the adults. “I can’t do it though. This only has eight digits. I think it’s probably a whole lot,” Melissa said.

None of the nations 250 million adults could be reached for comment.


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